Things have been pretty good this last week! I guess I should knock on wood after saying that because I probably just jinxed it, but honestly it’s been quite a while since I actually felt this good physically and emotionally.

First off I’ve been playing Aion again with my little sister, Angel (and her sister), Kristin and Caity and it’s been such a blast playing with other people! Right now we’re still all just trying to decide on which characters we want to play primarily and trying to get more people to join up with us and play! I’ve convinced Keight and Heather to play a trial and hopefully they’ll enjoy it as well!

Anyway, If you’re interested in playing, let me know and I’ll send you a referral! Referred friends get hooked up with goodies! And we’d love to have more people to play with, especially since we’re thinking about starting our own Legion! Here is a screenshot of my Sorcerer to maybe get you interested!

It’s been really nice though and a good escape to help me get over some of my frustrations/struggles lately, which have also somewhat improved lately. I’ve been trying to just push through and keep going regardless of what people think or what’s going on because honestly I’m exhausted and I’m not going to keep tending a plant that just doesn’t appear to like the climate, so to speak.

On another note, I attended that Church Volunteer Orientation on Wednesday night and the surprising thing was I wasn’t really that nervous for it. Usually I get really anxious doing something like that, but this just felt right. And then I walked in to find two of my friends, one of which I hadn’t seen in a while (we go to different service times) and it was nice to briefly catch up and have a few laughs. I decided to be a Greeter on the Host Team for the new site opening in the Fall and I’m going to be greeting every other Sunday at the 6PM service to get trained. Plus I found out this morning that one of the other greeters at the 6PM service is a lady from one of my past Community Groups and she is so nice and easy to talk to so I’m really excited about being able to serve with her! They also still keep saying that they think the new location will be in my city so that is great news for me! Driving 30 minutes to get to church is a bit much!

So that about does it for now! I’ll try to post again soon. I greet for the first time on Sunday and then we’re going to see Eclipse at midnight on Tuesday night! I guess we’ll see how that goes and I should have plenty to talk about as well! Hope you all have a great weekend!

Amidst a somewhat downer of a week (this week just would not end, I swear!) I find myself a little bit like a phoenix. That’s sorta corny, but I really do. I had a bit of a low this week and I’m not really even sure where it came from or why but I was just feeling really lonely and isolated. I guess as I’m getting older my entire mindset is changing. I like being single. I’m independent and I don’t like to rely on others to get by but even independent people like myself occasionally longs for something more. It probably has something to do with these crazy dreams I’ve been having lately and all the romantic comedies I’ve been watching lately. I swear movies like that are probably the reason why I can’t find anyone and basically choose to be alone. I think I have unrealistic expectations. It’s not that I have this perfect picture of what I want in a guy. I just have a couple ideals that I doubt I’ll be able to find in any man (especially in this city, state, country). However I keep hoping that someday someone will surprise me and prove me wrong.

Anyway.. I digressed a bit there. I’m already on a mission this year on change. It started with Weight Watchers, which by the way, I’ve lost almost 20 pounds in two months! And now I find myself a little reluctant to embrace more change. I’ll just admit for a second that I sometimes feel like I have social anxiety. When I go out around people I don’t have any problem talking if someone will strike up a conversation with me but I think my self-esteem has ruined me. I have this fear that nobody wants to talk to me or that nobody likes me or all these stupid insecurities. It’s all very silly. And then sometimes when I do have a pleasant conversation with someone, I’ll go home and critique what I said and sometimes will literally insult myself for saying something that I deem stupid. Once I get to know someone better and I’m more comfortable being myself around them this all goes away though. So it’s just getting out there, out of my comfort zone that’s the hard part. So I made a decision this week to do it. I technically made the decision nearly a month ago but then I convinced myself not to and so now I’m trying to force myself back into it. It’s not going to be easy at first, but I think it’s something I need to do for myself.

I’ll stop being cryptic for a second and elaborate. I’m going to volunteer for my church’s second campus. This isn’t really a new thing, in fact I’ve tried to serve in the Worship band and auditioned several times and I felt a little beaten down over it because I was told I was an alternate and then never got called. So I felt like they were being dishonest with me and now they’re starting up another one and holding auditions and as much as I’d love to that, I don’t want to put my confidence through the ringer again. Especially not when I’m trying to improve that! So instead I’m going to try and volunteer on the host team where I will either be a greeter, an usher, or at the hospitality counter giving out drinks and snacks. The orientation is Wednesday evening so I guess we’ll see how it goes. I just hope I meet new people this way and stop being so uncomfortable in a social setting.

On top of that, I feel like desperate times call for desperate measures. I don’t like where I am right now relationally and I’m not just talking about my love-life. I’m talking about my friendships too. I have this desire to have close friends that will drag me out when I’m in a slump and take me out of my comfort zone whether I like it or not. I’ve never had that. My closest friendships were when I was really young and we (well I guess it was just me) grew apart. I was damaged and we went to separate schools so we lost touch. Facebook depresses me lately because I can see those friends and how they still have their childhood friendships and I feel so out of the loop. IT SUCKS! However, on the other hand. I also have high expectations when it comes to friendships. I don’t want friends that are about going out and partying or go bar-hopping every night. I just want good conversation and fun times without having to resort to drugs and alcohol. Seems these days, friends like that are few and far between.

I am dragging this on longer than I intended. Anyway, I’m on this journey for change this year. I want this and more importantly I need it! Let’s leave it at that!

I’ve also started playing Aion again. It’s nice to get away and make a fresh start on a game. It’s resembling my life. Trying to start fresh and get myself back out there.