Fail

So I clearly fail at having my own blog. I swear one of these days I will get around to updating this thing and customizing it more. I guess I should start trying to update it more often first though. So here goes.

Things have been pretty crazy. First off I took a break from Community Group for the summer. I realize now that was a pretty stupid decision to make simply because I feel like I need it more than ever right now. I miss my Community Group something fierce and now I feel like it’s going to take me a lot to get back in a new one.

Work has been outrageous and it’s only going to get worse. Back in December one of the salesman that has been working for my Dad for ages had a stroke. He hasn’t come back even though he’s doing quite better. So that kicked my Dad’s work up to double what he was already handling. Which means he drives us DOUBLE crazy.

Then more recently we found out that Merce, another one of our long-standing and extremely devoted employees, was diagnosed with terminal cancer so now he’s at home on hospice. Soooo sad. He’s basically family. I’ve known him all my life and he was the ONLY one (out of the people who work for my Dad) who ever showed my Mom respect and care after the divorce. He is the sweetest, most caring man you could ever know. And I loved having talks with him about faith and life and I just valued his advice and opinion so much. Truly a wise man and a man full of love. I know when he passes he’ll be hanging out with my brother in Heaven. There is no doubt in my mind of where he’s headed.

TB has also been keeping me really busy. I recently made the decision to switch hosts. My old one was just incompatible with my board software and they were unwilling to change. Not to mention their support has gone down the crapper. It sometimes took WEEKS for them to respond whenever I had a problem. Around that time I made the decision to go completely public with EVERYTHING that transpired between my sister and I and some ex-members. I was tired of the “competition” that was going on and them feeling “victorious” everytime one of our old/current members started posting on their board. Can we say petty? And then the final straw was when they took an idea that they KNEW we had been working on and they passed it off like it was their own. So we launched OURS and from what I hear it is far bigger, far better and we have many more people participating in ours. Not that we’re competing. It’s just the truth of the matter.

And finally, since my last post I am now a year older, my church has moved into their own brand new building which is amazing, and I feel like a biig change is upon me. I’m getting antsy. I want some change. And this is not a common wish for me. I am one to stay in my comfort level and I don’t like change at all. However, right now.. I see change on the horizon and I am ready.

I live most of my life for others. I like to help. I like doing things for others. I like giving money to the cause. I’m a generous person in that way. But occasionally the time comes when I’m tired of being that person. I’m tired of sacrificing what I want 100% of the time for others, especially when it makes me so unhappy. It shouldn’t work like that. I shouldn’t feel taken advantage of. So that’s why I’m starting to feel like a change is necessary.

One change is coming whether I want it to or not. And the initial change doesn’t bother me, really. It’s the aftermath of it. I know the aftermath is going to make me very very unhappy. It’s not fair to me that everyone else can be selfish and they constantly get what they want. But me? Oh I’m always sacrificing what I want to help other people out and I’m the first to get screwed. I’m not doing it. I’m just not. I will take any step to avoid that from happening.

I’m still 3 paychecks behind and I was promised a raise over a year ago. It’s been YEARS since I had my last raise. There comes a point in time I have to be selfish. It might not be easy. In fact, it’s definitely not going to be. But if everyone else can up and leave without any repercussions then, BY GOD, so can I.